Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Books I Will Never Read (with gifs!)

As always, Top Ten Tuesday was brought to you by The Broke and the Bookish. Details here.
The theme this week is Top Ten Books I Will Never Read, which was harder to narrow down than you think. (all images belong to respective Copyright holders)

If you are a reader, you know that what you read/don't read will eventually come under scrutiny. Whether it's a staff party, a rehearsal dinner, or just me trying to make myself talk to a stranger, talking about books makes me more comfortable in uncomfortable (read:any) social gathering. It can show you common ground, give you fodder for debate, or make you a new best friend. And it's also a good way to get introverted bookworms (like me) talking with confidence.
But sometimes it doesn't go so well.

Usually, if EVERYONE is reading a book, we (friend, acquaintance) have conversations like this:*

Person: "Have you read ______? OMG, so amazing!"
I give a blank stare, then an unsure shake of my head, "Uhm, nooooo."
They give ME a blank stare, then start to gush, "But you HAVE to! You are such a reader, how can you not have read ________? Seriously, you work at a BOOK STORE and you haven't read _________? Shouldn't you at least know why everyone loves it, so you have something to talk about? Don't tell me you're judging it WITHOUT reading it first?"**

And it goes on.

This is what happened with Harry Potter. In HP's case, I didn't read them until a year and a half ago. I can admit when I was wrong, and I was wrong about Harry Potter. Still, I don't feel like I missed out on life because I didn't read them till 25, but I did enjoy them. So I know my aversion to pop fiction/non fiction can be a weakness. In other cases, I try SO HARD to read/like a book, and it doesn't happen.

Life is too short to waste on books you don't like, especially when there are so many other books out there, so here's my Top 10 Popular Books that I Will NEVER Read, in no particular order:

1. Game of Thrones, by George R. R. Martin

PSA: Just because someone likes LOTR and fantasy does not mean they'll enjoy Game of Thrones. It doesn't mean they don't like realistic fantasy either. Thank you.

I tried. I really tried. While I admire his extensive worldbuilding, I couldn't stand his characters. There are precious few books that I have finished where I couldn't care less if everyone jumped off a cliff. I could rant, be mean, and scream in print, but it isn't worth it.

2. The Notebook or anything else by Nicholas Sparks

Again, not my thing. I have read a total of one paragraph. It was more than enough. I have seen five minutes of the movie. Ditto.

3. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

I read an interview of Dan Brown's once. I think he wanted us to be impressed with how smart and scholarly he was. I was so bored, I didn't even finish the interview. Sorry Dan.

4. Anything by David Levithan

See #2. I don't do mushy, sappy, overly romantic, sentimental, or otherwise. Contemporary YA is really not my thing either. I don't like John Green either. No, I don't want to fight about it.

5. Any/All erotica (50 Shades, Maya Banks, etc) 

I'll let Tina handle this one:

6. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

You can add every personal finding yourself saga to this list. This was just the first one I thought of. Chances are, I won't read it.

7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Nope. Not interested. To be fair, any and all high school books are a hard sell for me.

8. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

I only singled this book out because my sister read me some of the purple-as-Barney prose.*** It was a YA bestseller, and not really on my radar otherwise, but the prose was that, well, silly. But I laughed so hard I cried, so I don't hate, despise, or otherwise have any bad feelings about this book.

9. Fallen Series by Lauren Kate

I picked a random angel book, because I won't  read any of them. All angel romance YA or Adult can be added to this one. The guardian angels who are "tortured soulful young men" with wings need to go away. They can go join the teenage vampires.

10. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

I started this book. Romance novels disguised as historical fiction, brutish heroes, and annoying female leads are a good way to get me to drop a book. Needless to say, I dropped this one.

This is one of those reading black sheep things, where I know I go against the grain. What books do you never plan to read that everyone talks up? Do you have those awkward conversations with people too? Sound off in the comments.

*Names and places have been removed to protect the innocent.
**Free country.
***Don't believe me? Check out the Amazon reviews. Like this one.