Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Top Ten Tuesday: Ten Books I Will Never Read (with gifs!)

As always, Top Ten Tuesday was brought to you by The Broke and the Bookish. Details here.
The theme this week is Top Ten Books I Will Never Read, which was harder to narrow down than you think. (all images belong to respective Copyright holders)

If you are a reader, you know that what you read/don't read will eventually come under scrutiny. Whether it's a staff party, a rehearsal dinner, or just me trying to make myself talk to a stranger, talking about books makes me more comfortable in uncomfortable (read:any) social gathering. It can show you common ground, give you fodder for debate, or make you a new best friend. And it's also a good way to get introverted bookworms (like me) talking with confidence.
But sometimes it doesn't go so well.

Usually, if EVERYONE is reading a book, we (friend, acquaintance) have conversations like this:*

Person: "Have you read ______? OMG, so amazing!"
I give a blank stare, then an unsure shake of my head, "Uhm, nooooo."
They give ME a blank stare, then start to gush, "But you HAVE to! You are such a reader, how can you not have read ________? Seriously, you work at a BOOK STORE and you haven't read _________? Shouldn't you at least know why everyone loves it, so you have something to talk about? Don't tell me you're judging it WITHOUT reading it first?"**

And it goes on.

This is what happened with Harry Potter. In HP's case, I didn't read them until a year and a half ago. I can admit when I was wrong, and I was wrong about Harry Potter. Still, I don't feel like I missed out on life because I didn't read them till 25, but I did enjoy them. So I know my aversion to pop fiction/non fiction can be a weakness. In other cases, I try SO HARD to read/like a book, and it doesn't happen.

Life is too short to waste on books you don't like, especially when there are so many other books out there, so here's my Top 10 Popular Books that I Will NEVER Read, in no particular order:

1. Game of Thrones, by George R. R. Martin

PSA: Just because someone likes LOTR and fantasy does not mean they'll enjoy Game of Thrones. It doesn't mean they don't like realistic fantasy either. Thank you.

I tried. I really tried. While I admire his extensive worldbuilding, I couldn't stand his characters. There are precious few books that I have finished where I couldn't care less if everyone jumped off a cliff. I could rant, be mean, and scream in print, but it isn't worth it.

2. The Notebook or anything else by Nicholas Sparks

Again, not my thing. I have read a total of one paragraph. It was more than enough. I have seen five minutes of the movie. Ditto.

3. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

I read an interview of Dan Brown's once. I think he wanted us to be impressed with how smart and scholarly he was. I was so bored, I didn't even finish the interview. Sorry Dan.

4. Anything by David Levithan

See #2. I don't do mushy, sappy, overly romantic, sentimental, or otherwise. Contemporary YA is really not my thing either. I don't like John Green either. No, I don't want to fight about it.

5. Any/All erotica (50 Shades, Maya Banks, etc) 

I'll let Tina handle this one:

6. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

You can add every personal finding yourself saga to this list. This was just the first one I thought of. Chances are, I won't read it.

7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Nope. Not interested. To be fair, any and all high school books are a hard sell for me.

8. Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

I only singled this book out because my sister read me some of the purple-as-Barney prose.*** It was a YA bestseller, and not really on my radar otherwise, but the prose was that, well, silly. But I laughed so hard I cried, so I don't hate, despise, or otherwise have any bad feelings about this book.

9. Fallen Series by Lauren Kate

I picked a random angel book, because I won't  read any of them. All angel romance YA or Adult can be added to this one. The guardian angels who are "tortured soulful young men" with wings need to go away. They can go join the teenage vampires.

10. Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

I started this book. Romance novels disguised as historical fiction, brutish heroes, and annoying female leads are a good way to get me to drop a book. Needless to say, I dropped this one.

This is one of those reading black sheep things, where I know I go against the grain. What books do you never plan to read that everyone talks up? Do you have those awkward conversations with people too? Sound off in the comments.

*Names and places have been removed to protect the innocent.
**Free country.
***Don't believe me? Check out the Amazon reviews. Like this one.


  1. We should be friends—we seem to have very similar taste! I liked Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and I've read it several times, but as I've gotten older the sheer ridiculousness has gotten more apparent. I did read The DaVinci Code, but I didn't like it as much.

    Re: Game of Thrones, I feel you. I wasn't planning on reading this until my husband read the first book on our honeymoon last year, and I made him tell me the whole plot by threatening to go to Wikipedia if he didn't (I felt like I was missing out on this huge cultural phenomenon but didn't feel like putting in the effort to read it myself!). But on the plane home, I was bored with whatever it was I was reading at the time, so I picked up Game of Thrones and liked it rather more than I expected, but I never would have been able to slog through it if I didn't already know the entire plot. By the time I finished the first, I was able to hold my own for the rest of the books, right up until I petered out in the middle of the fourth last September, and I haven't picked it up since. Oh well.

    I also agree about romance, angels (and most other supernatural creatures), "finding yourself" books, and YA. I did read Perks in high school and I loved it, but I suspect I'd feel very differently about it now, especially reading it for the first time.

    So basically, I agree with everything you said! Although I do have some minor pity that you didn't grow up with Harry like the rest of us super-HP nerds :) but of course, to each his/her own!

    1. Sometimes the HP situation makes me pity myself a little too, but I'm glad I got to read and enjoy them on my own terms. And to be honest, they would have been overshadowed by my Tolkien obsession.
      And Game of Thrones . . . Your story was pretty familiar :) I definitely agree that we should be friends!
      Thanks so much for stopping by

  2. Great list! But I must admit, you had me at John Watson. :) The only one I disagree with is Dan Brown, I really enjoy his books.

  3. Yes, Martin Freeman has the ultimate "100% done" face ever! I get the appeal of Dan Brown's books, I do, but theoretically :)
    Thanks for stopping by!

  4. He he! This was the best TTT today! Love the gifs and the intro. We had a lot of books in common!

    1. Thank you! Loved your list too :) Sorry* to steal a page from Tumblr, but gifs crack me up. It is fun to be a lone wolf, but sometimes I like to know I'm not the only one-and this is one of those times.

      Footnote: Not sorry

  5. Haha, great list! I'm not a big fan of angel books, either.

    1. I could probably write a book on my (negative) feelings on angel books, lol. Thanks for stopping by!

  6. I'm with you on erotica-not for me either. I don't think I'll ever read Game of Thrones and given that I'm not keen on romance as a main plot the likelihood of me reading Nicholas Sparks is slim. Love the gifs!
    My TTT: https://jjbookblog.wordpress.com/2015/05/05/top-ten-tuesday-3/

    1. My reading of romance (as a genre) usually stops at any book written after 1950. I don't feel deprived. I'll stick to my action and adventure, which is what I really love to read. If there is romance involved though, that is fine.

  7. Oh dear I agree with you on Fallen. I wish I had never read them and I wish I hadn't read ALL of them. Other than that, I think the only one of the books I'm really with you on if 50SOG, but I don't mind erotic fiction as a whole, as long as it is well done. :) Thanks for sharing your list!

    1. I think we all have those series that we wish we hadn't read (or finished!)
      Thanks for stopping by! :)

  8. I'm impressed with your bravery in posting this list! :D I feel like I always have the misfortune to mention how much I can't stand a certain book and then after an awkward moment of silence the other person says they love it and I feel TERRIBLE (like I've personally insulted them) and scramble to say, "What I MEANT was... I'm sure it's great." ;) I think I agree with you on all of these. Some of the authors or genres (angel fiction is a thing?!) I'm not familiar with, but after reading this I guess I haven't been missing out. ;D I loved reading the Amazon review you linked to - hilarious!

    I didn't read the Harry Potter series until one summer 6 or 7 years ago - I stopped in at the library every other day on the way home from work and devoured them all in about 2 weeks. On the one hand, I wished I read them sooner, but on the other hand I was glad I had such a fun series to discover when I was a bit older - like you, I was too into Tolkien as a kid to really have room in my life for another obsession. ;)

    1. I know, right? Whatever book you proclaim to be the worst happens to be their favorite book ever (and we can all get pretty bristly about that!). And I'm sorry to say, that angel fiction is a thing . . . People lump in in with supernatural, but it's a thing.
      Aren't those reviews hysterical?
      Yes, between Star Wars and Tolkien, I really didn't have mental room for one more big deal! :)

  9. Awesome list, I must agree with most of it, except for Game of Thrones because I managed to get through them (though there are so many people I lose track of who is who sometimes)and because I am a bit obsessed with the show and the costumes. Everything else is spot on. :)

    1. I give you the costumes. And, as I said, there are things I admire about them. But sadly, they are not for me. I know what you mean about a lot of characters. I kept notes while reading War & Peace so I could keep everyone straight!

  10. It is hard when people INSIST you'll like a book because you liked another book in the same genre....gah. Same genre does NOT mean same style of book! x)
    Thanks for stopping by @ Paper Fury!